We had spent the last 10 hours rolling around off Puerto Rico, the head (toilet) had overflowed numerous times, soaking the floor with its soupy pee mess then laying to rest in our shallow bilges. Haunting us with its stank for days to come.
Before the sunset that night the girls decided they would corner me in the cockpit while I was on watch. The hot topic was: “how a house is better than a boat”. A few notable points raised were:
- there’s more space for toys
- our beds are bouncier, better for jumping on
- bath tub (I agree with that one)
- we can go outside and run around anytime
- we can have friends that we don’t have to say goodbye to every couple of days (that one stung hard)
- and of course, you don’t get seasick in a house
After an hour of this discussion I was pretty much beat down.
Lets back track some….
10 hours earlier we were all amped to leave. We had shopped our badonkadonks off and provisioned for our passage to the San Blas Islands, Panama. It was going to be an 8 day downwind sail with maybe a little bit of lumpy weather in the middle. It was going to be a hard sail with the kids, the fatigue alone would put me in the fetal position. Testing us as a couple and a family. Testing us for the Pacific.
Whoa! You said the Pacific. Yes my friends, we are very spontaneous. Some people have already guessed this plan but I never publicly announced it. I never announced it because of the shame if we pulled out.
Shame people, shame! I haven’t posted to Facebook, instagram or our blog in the last week because of this shame.
On that fateful night we were 10 hours into our Panama crossing when we got the call on the vhf, our buddy boat Sea Spice had equipment issues (their davit fell off leaving their dingy to crash into the Caribbean Sea – read about it here), we made the decision to turn around and head back into Puerto Rico with them, we ended up beating into the wind the next 60 miles. We all felt ill and emotionally spent. Cali awoke on her birthday feeling seasick for the first time in her life. She cried over a bucket for over an hour before falling asleep. Crew was a hot mess trying to deal with a bumpy boat and Capri, well she wasn’t shy about sharing her hatred for the boat. Fun times people.
Once the kids were all fed breakfast and settled, Carl and I escaped to the cockpit for the inevitable conversation of, what are we doing? Why sail when the kids are so obviously miserable. Crossing the Pacific would be 5 months of hell, for everyone.
We not only turned around from Panama we turned around from the Pacific Crossing, we turned around from being full time cruisers.
Sigh.
A week on I’m still fighting my internal demons. This was going to be maybe our last chance to cross the Pacific and sail home to Australia. So many families have done it in the past, how are we not strong enough? All these inner turmoils eating away at me.
This was going to be it, the “it” your grandkids talk about. “Grandma was super amazing, she crossed the pacific, back when teleportation wasn’t around.”
Now that’s all lost. Lost in the bilge with our stale piss.
It’s official, I’m in a bit of a funk right now, but I know we made the right decision as a family.
We’re now sitting in Samana, Dominican Republic, drinking beer and hanging at the pool. Today I dumped a gallon of vinegar on the floor surrounding our head. I’m flushing the pee out of our bilges and the zestless sense of adventure in my heart. We are starting fresh. We’re going to stick with our friends and head north through the Bahamas up the east coast of the US and back to Maine where we still have our little cabin in the woods.
As for our future, well that too is laid out on the sand, awaiting the tide to decide our fate. We have booked flights to Australia for Christmas which is super exciting. Come summer we hope to sail up to Greenland again, I think as a whole we do a lot better in the cooler climates. We are keeping the boat and not completely giving up. Australia or Chile won’t be seeing Abeona this summer but maybe in a few years to come. Never say never.
Thank you for this article! I’m flying from Panama to NZ next month as I can’t do it with miss 3 and miss 6. We tried but it’s bloody hard work. But it’s still a life less ordinary, and hey if it was easy everyone would be doing it!
Awesome to hear but no also not. Sorry you guys found it so hard but you’re not alone. A 30 day passage with kids is a daunting thing, I could easily do it with adults but kids, well you understand. Safe trip home.
Very honest post! I can feel it after having made a similar realization. Welcome back to Maine!
Maine is not a horrible place to be. We hope next summer we’ll be sailing Greenland again so it’s not quite the end.
If its any consolation, here on the other end of the continuum, I worry that I am wasting my kid’s, and my own, youth being too stable with house, work, school, and repetition. As a parent, and any existentially aware person, any choice you make it often at the expense of another choice it eclipses.
I don’t think there is a perfect balance. If only we could all be billionaires and be able to have the stability of a house and the adventure of a large comfortable sailboat. He he, dreamin.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You guys have accomplished so many things that most wouldn’t even dare to dream of. We have a hard enough time handling ourselves, let alone 3 little ones. We wish you all the best in your new plans and maybe we will see you in Greenland. (If we don’t completely change our plans again) Cheers, Kim and Scott
Thanks Kim and Scott,
Hope you do see you guys in Greenland, everything is better north 😉
parttime cruising is still an adventure! the little ones win….as it should be…maybe the bahamas every other year! blessings to you and yours….scott
Thanks Scott, to do 6 and 6 would be a dream but I don’t know if our budget can handle it. Won’t stop us trying.
I feel you when the kids says it hard to say good bye to their friends all the time. Sometimes we forget how important and deep those bonds are when we are breaking them over and over. Parents makes sacrifice all the time for the sake of their children’s happiness, hopefully you have another go at it another year.
I’m scared that the more time we spend in a house the less chance the kids will bounce back to a boat. Well, what will be will be.
Carly, Just remember, ETA also means Estimated Place of Arrival (EPA). You never know where you would land.
Ask Carl to sent me an Email, have some news or may be the prospect.
Hi Victor , This is Carl My Email address is [email protected]
Carl should be emailing you now.
That is the most courageous decision. You guys have guts. I admire you and your family.
Thanks Karen, sometimes it is braver to turn back then to continue on.
No no no… They will say “Grandma is a bad ass because she sailed THE NORTHWEST PASSAGE when it used to be cold and icy there all year AND before teleportation”. You all are well strong enough for the pacific, that is easy compared to NFLD, Greenland and the Canadian Arctic. It’s just not the right time for your family ATM due to personal preferences and time of life, not weakness. Don’t feel ashamed, you get to make your own plans for your family. This shame comes from the cruiser equivalent of “keeping up with the Joneses” I reckon. You guys are rad. You don’t need to cross the pacific to keep being rad!
Gosh thanks Julia, you’re too kind. Maybe it is all about keeping up with the Jones’ and after doing the NWP I feel like we have a reputation to up hold. I think we need a brake from the sweaty heat and re-charge again.
Badonkadonks! Cheer up. I hear, Maine is lovely this time of year. I’ll even make you guys dinner when you get back.
LOVE your dinners Tig!! I googled to find out all the different words for bum, thus badonkadonk, you should do it totally fun 🙂 The girls are so excited to see V and O again and I can’t wait to see your fab place again, it’s coming along great. Going to take our time heading north so will probably see you guys in a few months still. Or maybe we’ll live in the DR forever with its cheap dockage, wifi, infinity pool and kind people.
OK people , must bring items 3-5 my perspective… Delete if you don’t like and thanks in advance for posting something I can distract myself from my sadness. 3) put a friggin’ tub on deck. I’ll even mail you a giant plastic tub in assorted colors if that will help. Build the coolest thing in terms of tubs with a glass bottom, er lexan bottom to distract y’all from this whatever it is.
5)when I get to say hello and goodbye is not always up to me. I definitely didn’t want to say good bye to my wife on… ever. Now y’all are in my life however much we make it.
Adding number comment for 6).
6)stick around and you might learn it IS pos to get seasick symptoms in a house.
Is the message making any sense?
Demand more from current role models and/ or get additional role models. The kids are just learning how you handle various situations, where you are is incidental… How you are is it, baby. So how are YOU?
If you still find yourself headed to the beach permanently, have fun anyway and thanks again for helping me … Using the old Jedi Mind trick/ distraction. !!! : ) Oops, 40 year old movie references might not work, unless they’ve seen 40 yr old movies.movie a @@4@
Randall, distractions are always the best. As for a tub on deck we don’t have the water to fill it up 🙁 unless we’re at a marina and then they would charge for it too. We could fill it with salt water but hey you might as well just jump in the ocean. Does your plastic tub in wonderful colors come with a door to block out the screaming of the kids? ha ha ha!
As for saying goodbye to people, you know its never forever if you put in the effort. Not in your case sorry. We’ve had to say forever goodbyes to some loved ones lately and it’s the hardest thing you ever have to do. Nothing compares.
Yes getting land sick is possible, symptoms are along the lines of depression. I do get your message, try a little harder and it will all pay off. You’ll be happy to know that we’re actually not giving up just trying to get our ducks in order a little. Maybe a better plan to suit us all. Jam the kids in public school then they’ll be begging to come back to the boat 😀
Like you said a lot of it has to do with Carl and myself. He likes to be able to provide for our family and it worries him that he’s not earning an income. I stress over the kids education and watching too many movies underway. Nothings perfect.
Hope your jedi trick worked and are able to fill in an hour of the day with our dramas. Carly
Hey Carly,
Happy Easter???Thanks☺️for the reply a while back, almost a year.
So what’s new with you two er five?! Just finished, a visit with Terysa and Nick from SV Rubyrose. They appear happy to be back together.
Terysa thought Abeona might be on the market?
If she is for sale, please let me know, I may be interested to buy her. Not too many boats painted as nicely as Abeona!??
Sincerely Randall
[email protected]
Well, we are bummed you won’t be showing up in Panama–not nearly enough kid boats around here! Sitting in Shelter Bay Marina at the moment, and everyone has plans to cross the Pacific. Our plan: México. We just don’t need to spend so much time floating around in the Pacific, when we could be exploring the Americas. It’s not a contest! And comparison is the thief of happiness…
Well said! I must admit life is always better with kid boats around. Our other plan was to go south to Chile but there’s definitely no kid boats down there. Enjoy mexico and sorry we’re not heading your way.
Beautiful posts, including the one where you are selling the boat, which is how I found the posts! Had a ton of fun reading, and every one’s comments as well! You should have a blog. Sorry that things did not pan out as you planned them but things will work out in the end. The kids will never forget the adventure.